Mutts and Mistletoe by Natalie Cox

Author:Natalie Cox
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2018-10-08T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

I ring the boiler guy about a thousand times over the next several hours and each time it goes through to his answering service. Peggy continues to clean herself like she has suddenly developed canine OCD, and late in the afternoon Malcolm shifts position so that he is facing her instead of the Christmas tree, which both of us find unnerving. In the early evening, when I try to coax them all out to the paddock for a wee, all five dogs look at me as if I am trying to make them walk the plank.

I’m almost relieved when it’s time to drive into the village for the Christmas pageant. Valko and I park on the outskirts of the center, where the streets are already chockablock with cars. A ring of trees circles the village green, and each one has been strung with dozens of tiny white lights. I am forced to admit it does look jolly. Crowds mill around the green: children bundled in colored parkas tumble about, grannies kitted out in homemade scarves greet one another warmly, and babies languishing in pushchairs chew the ends of their mittens. As we walk toward the green, Valko asks me to explain the purpose of the event. I shake my head. I have only the haziest idea what will take place: I was only half-listening when Stella told me about it. Something to do with farm animals and a race.

“God only knows,” I say.

Valko frowns. “So this is religious festival?”

“Not quite.”

I look around. A large fenced-off circle has been erected in the middle of the green, and the village folk are all clustered around the outside, waiting for the festivities to begin. Inside the fence, we can see about a dozen people dressed in identical bright green tunics, each tethered by a long rope to an animal, also wearing a green tunic. Both humans and animals wear green peaked hats: there is even a ferret with a tiny green cap attached to its head with a piece of elastic.

“Oh, dear Lord,” I mutter. “Elves.” One of my Christmas top tens. Valko looks at me as if I’ve whispered some sort of prayer. I point at the contestants.

“I think they’re meant to be elves,” I say. Valko looks bewildered.

“I do not understand. Why do animals wear clothes?” he asks.

“Why indeed?”

“This is normal English custom?” asks Valko.

“This isn’t normal English anything.” I crane my neck to get a better view. The animals appear to be in all shapes and sizes: there is a pig, a sheep, a cow, a cockerel, a duck, a dog, a cat, a Shetland pony, a llama, a rabbit, a ferret, and what appears to be a large antelope. Except it isn’t an antelope. I realize after a few seconds that it’s a reindeer and it is tethered to Bovine Cal, who looks suitably ridiculous dressed as an elf, but no more ridiculous than the reindeer beside him, whose hat has been carefully notched so as to allow its antlers to poke through.

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